Less Stress = More Energy and More Fun!
In the second edition of her series on stress-busting, Rochele Hirsch talks about meeting your own needs while throwing a wonderful shower.
As in any project, getting everything coordinated and done, on time and on budget with the desired results, can stretch and stress even the strongest of us.
Fortunately, there are wonderful planning resources throughout The Shower Diva's website with tips that include setting the theme, decorating, food choices, keeping track of your guests, providing fun and games, dealing with your own family’s needs while you are involved with the shower, and more.
So, information on what to do and how to do it is right here on TheShowerDiva.com.
What I will explore is how to reduce the stress of some of the natural reaction patterns that individuals experience.
Remember, it is not WHAT happens to you, but how you REACT to what happens that causes your stress – your “crunch” feelings.
Reduce Stress by Meeting Your Own Needs
According to psychologist Taibi Kahler in his Process Communication Model (PCM), there are eight psychological needs people have in various levels. If one of your “high need” characteristics is not being met, you feel more stress and you usually react in a predictable way – which adds more stress.
These needs include:
- Being recognized and paid attention to as an individual – being “liked”
- Having an environment around you that is pleasing and supportive
- Being recognized for your work performance
- Having time schedules you can count on
- Being recognized for your opinions and beliefs
- Having playful, high energy contact with people
- Having high impact, high drama in your life
- Having solitude
Kahler’s research indicates that 70% of American women are born having “high-need” for #1 and #2. Many of our high performing executive types – and a lot of people in education – are born having “high need” for #3-5. Many at-risk kids in school have high need for #6 and #7. And some people really do need a lot of time by themselves.
The more stress you feel, the more vulnerable you are to your high-needs. Your instinctive reactions tend to reinforce the feeling that “I can’t get what I need.” However, you can be smart about choosing to meet your needs first – rather than waiting for someone else to meet them.
So, read through these eight “needs” a second time. As you recognize your own particular points of vulnerability, make a list of the ways you can give yourself what your need says it wants – before you get too stressed. Following are some examples:
If you find that you need to be acknowledged and appreciated as a feeling/caring/sensitive individual—that it is important to be “liked”—then give yourself the time and space to take care of yourself. Know that paying attention to what you wear, how you decorate the packages, how you put out special pictures and other memorabilia is something that energetically feeds you. If others aren’t responding to you and your interests the way you had hoped, remember to interrupt your instinctive reaction of “Is something wrong with me? Don’t they like me?” Turn it back to feeling the energy of what you enjoy. Use a talisman or picture to remind yourself of what you love. Once you restore your energy, you can share it with those who love what you love. Respect that others just do it differently.
If you need to be appreciated for your work performance—for your achievement—make sure you pat yourself on the back by checking off your lengthy To-Do lists. Feel the good-feeling of being organized, or being efficient and timely. Know that you have special skills in accomplishing what others marvel at. Appreciate yourself and remember how much you LOVE to do it well. Achieving is your fun. Start planning the next project.
For those who need drama and high impact, create a great “high energy fix” by planning a fun, high-impact addition to the shower: arrive in a limousine; be escorted by costumed characters; bring the BIGGEST bottle of champagne. This would be much more fun than twisting an ankle and arriving on crutches, or getting into a fight with your daughter before the event—or a guest after you arrive. Energy is energy, and we can choose to shape it into ways that better suit our needs while respecting the sensitivities of others.
For those who need solitude, being a committee-of-one handling the shower preparations can be just your piece of cake. Be sure to give yourself some “alone time” BEFORE the shower begins: perhaps reading a book, meditating or playing solitaire on the computer. Then you’ll have enough residual energy to enjoy the people at the event. After the event, you can take time to retreat and recoup – realizing this is necessary for your well-being.
We can’t stop what we instinctively think and feel. Our innate reactions come from our subconscious. What we can do is gently interrupt the thinking or feeling that says “I can’t get what I need,” and appreciate our uniqueness. Choose to raise your feeling of energy by moving emotion in safe ways: by laughing, exercising, pampering yourself, feeling grateful. There is no sanctity in feeling stressed.
Next month we’ll discuss new ways to handle the stress of old problems, from loud, inappropriate guests to not enough money for the decorations and food you want.
About Rochele Hirsch
Discovering the patterns behind "what is going on" and developing systems to improve effectiveness have been focal points throughout Rochele Hirsch’s life. In 1981, she began to draw on her background in physics, informative systems, organizational effectiveness and color analysis to investigate the patterns of personal effectiveness that make or break success. What she discovered and tested in her own living laboratory may well change the way people understand and use the power of intention. She developed her Theory of How Come, and today helps her clients identify the preconscious "survival tactics" that lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, and eventually, disease or addiction. Rochele is the author of Love the Noun vs. Love the Verb and the Celebrity Newsletter BeforetheBehavior.com
Learn more about Rochele online or by calling her at 1-800-467-0467.
