The Shower Diva: Where Fun Reigns!

Time Management for Shower Hostesses in a 24/7 Hour World

Extreme Time Management™ creator Brenda Buratti shares her secrets for accomplishing more and stressing less.

So your best friend is getting married! Or having a baby! And you're going to throw the shower! How exciting! Except ...

• You're already working full time ...
• Plus you have your chores at home ...
• And a personal life ...
• And kids ...
• And you'd like to have some romantic time with your guy ...
• And ...
• And ...
• And ...

Eek! Been there. Girlfriend, you need some Extreme Time Management™ fast!

First, ask yourself if you can afford the time right now. Honestly consider what you're capable of handling. What are you already committed to managing? Do you have small children who require a lot of time and attention? Are you starting a new business venture? Or shifting from part-time to full-time work? Working on a big personal project? This might not be the best time for you to commit to hostessing a party.

It's ok to admit that. It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to do too much, but do you really want to neglect your family or other important priorities because you're overcommitted? If taking on the role of hostess is too much to handle at this stage in your life, be truthful with yourself and the Guest of Honor.

Whether or not you can afford the time to throw a shower might depend on the type of shower your Guest of Honor wants. Find out if she's thinking of something casual and homey or has her heart set on a formal high-end event. Brunch for 10 at your house versus 100 guests at a posh restaurant are two very different time commitments. Make sure you're clear about what the Guest of Honor expects before you decide whether or not to accept the role of hostess.

If you need to say no, start with, "I'm so sorry." Then add, "I just can't take that on right now" or "I can't take on all of that but I could do this one thing." If possible, recommend someone else who might be willing to fill the role.

If you decide to hostess, set aside time to work on the shower. If you have small children, take advantage of nap time when you have an hour or so to concentrate. If your career is demanding, schedule time to work on the shower just like you would schedule time for a professional appointment. A small amount of focused time is far more productive than hours of constant interruptions.

Set aside time for yourself too. Women tend to neglect setting aside time for themselves. We're so busy taking care of everybody else, we put ourselves way down at the end of the list. Too often, we end up without any personal time at all. When we're at our busiest, we need "me" time more than ever. Working longer hours is not the answer. Once you become stressed and tired, you won't function efficiently. You've reached the point of "diminishing returns," which means you can continue to apply effort, but you'll be less and less productive. Schedule time for a walk, a nap, a bath, reading on the couch—or whatever relaxes and refreshes you. When you return to your work you'll be able to focus better and accomplish more.

Approach the shower as a project. Use the project management techniques you've learned at work to get organized and stay organized.

1. Decide on a date for the shower that works for the Guest of Honor. Trying to manage a project without an end date is impossible.
2. Get a clear picture of your budget. Will you be solely responsible for the cost of the shower or will other friends be chipping in?
3. Create a comprehensive to-do list.
   a. Brainstorm a list of every task that has to be done for the shower.
   b. Assign each task a completion date relative to the date of your shower.
   c. Arrange your list in date order so you can see what has to be done by when.
4. Set priorities
   a. Decide which tasks are "musts" and which tasks can be dumped if you run out of time. To a large degree, your priority items will depend on what type of shower you're throwing. Any reservations you need to make should be your first priority so you can secure the date you need.
   b. If the shower is more formal, you'll need to manage outside vendors, figure out what services you will need and which vendor you'll use.
   c. Once the basics start to fall into place you can turn your attention to details such as the cake, decor and invitations.
5. Ask for help and figure out who will be responsible for each task on the to-do list. Make sure you're clear about what needs to be done and when the task needs to be completed as you're delegating.

If you have personal time management challenges, know they will rear their ugly heads. We all have weak areas when it comes to time management. Whether you're chronically overcommitted, a procrastinator, or just struggle to find time to return phone calls, party planning is sure to bring your personal time management issues to light. Use this event as an opportunity to practice new skills that you can apply to your whole life.

Find your time wasters. If you're one of those people who always feels overwhelmed, you need to discover where your time is going. Keep a written time log in 15 minute increments for at least a week. Yes, it will be one more thing to do for a few days, but it will also be invaluable. Once you start writing down where your time is going, you'll be able to analyze what to keep doing and what to eliminate as a time waster. At the end of the week, study your time logs. Ask yourself:

• Which activities do you receive the most benefit from? Which ones benefit you very little?
• What are you doing because you're afraid to say no? Or because "it's always been done that way"?
• How important is it to have a spotless house? Can you use that time to be with your family or take care of yourself instead?
• How much time do you spend car pooling? Can you ask someone else to take over some of those trips?
• Where do you fit in family time?
• Are you setting aside some time for yourself?
• Which commitments do you have to keep now? Which commitments can be postponed for another time in life?
• Are you making the best use of your time?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, there are only "right for you" or "wrong for you" answers. What is a time waster to one person will be critical to another person. You are the only person who can judge how you should spend your time. What's important is that you start making more mindful decisions about time.

Learn to do it, delegate it, or delete it! One of the most common time wasters is picking something up, sorting it into a pile to "be dealt with later," working around the pile, picking the original item up again, resorting it, dusting it, fretting over it, and eventually picking it up again. This can go on for a very long, tedious time without anything being accomplished. Save yourself a lot of time and stress by handling things immediately. If it's arrived in your hand just do it, delegate it, or delete it.

• Do the tasks that require your particular expertise or your level of dedication. If it's critical or extremely time sensitive, handle it yourself.
• Delegate tasks others can do as well or better than you. A great way to ask for—and receive—help is to say, "I really need to rely on your expertise to do this" or "I know you have expertise in this area." It's flattering to be recognized as an expert and asked for help, so don't be shy. Speak up and recruit some assistance! A good place to find some extra hands is right in your own family. Ask your children to help out with age appropriate chores to reduce the amount of cleaning you have to do before the party. See if your spouse would be willing to lend a hand with decorations or cooking the night before. Got a sister who is an expert bargain hunter? Ask her to help with the shopping.
• Delete time wasters: anything that isn't necessary at this point in your life, anything that is of low or no benefit, and all those things you're only doing because you were afraid to say "no."

Be accountable to yourself. You can let other people control your time or you can control it yourself. Ultimately, you have to take responsibility for your life and how you spend your time. If you constantly feel there are too many burdens on your time, that's a result of the choices you're making. It's up to you to make choices that work for you every day.

About Brenda Buratti. Time management expert Brenda Buratti knows all about coping in a rapidly-changing, interruption-rich environment. An award-winning television executive, writer, speaker, wife and mother, Brenda has a full schedule and a blistering to-do list. When she discovered traditional time management systems were inadequate for her needs, she developed her own strategies and techniques she calls Extreme Time Management™. Today, she is a media executive and founder of Right Now Communications. In addition, Brenda writes and speaks about time management. Learn more Extreme Time Management™ techniques at RightNowCommunications.com.