Theresa DiMasi, Editor-in-Chief, Brides.com
Are you struggling to have your dream wedding while battling an uncooperative budget? Now you can have the wedding AND a balanced checkbook! Want to know how? Get creative!
Face it, most people we know are on a budget of some kind these days. Planning a wedding on a slim purse needn't feel or look as though elegance got sacrificed atop a dime store altar.
Theresa DiMasi, Editor-in-Chief of Brides.com, generously offered her guidance on how to have an elegant wedding and shower no matter what your budget. Theresas advice was garnered from a recent interview we conducted with the savvy lady especially for Diva readers! Were pleased to pass on all the goodies Theresa graciously offered us as our Diva December gift to you!
The budget for an elegant shower, bachelorette bash or wedding is guided by style. The point is to make the event meaningful. Is the bride casual? Formal? Traditional? Trendy or cutting edge? The bride's personality dictates the style and the style dictates the budget. If your purse isn't unlimited, get creative. Go for uniqueness.
The bride might opt for a co-ed shower. Her maid-of-honor (who is responsible for throwing the shower) could suggest holding it at the couple's favorite restaurant -- one that holds meaning for the bride and groom. Is it where they met? Had their first date? Is it where he proposed to her? Check with that restaurant and find out if it can accommodate the guest list. A great way to go is if the restaurant is large enough to rent out private rooms for parties.
If the restaurant idea doesn't work, you can stage a cocktail party rather than host a sit-down dinner. Cocktail parties are much more manageable and cost-effective. Keep snacks simple but wholesome -- fancy breads, cheeses, olives, fresh prosciutto and fruits always go over well.
If the bride has her heart set on having a co-ed or all ladies shower in a restaurant, go for the brunch solution. Brunch is luxurious! It's elegant but a lot cheaper than a sit-down dinner or even a luncheon. Another fun but cost-effective shower is to have a high tea. Teas are sophisticated but they don't need to be expensive. Remember it's the meaning behind the event, the people who come to celebrate the bride, and the genuinely warm feelings that make a shower a big success.
For the bride who's more adventurous or doesn't want a traditional-styled shower, go for the completely unique. Suggest a pottery painting day or a visit to her favorite museum followed by cocktails and the gift opening. Check your local museums and see if there's an event room you can rent just for such an occasion. Sensual and fun showers can incorporate a spa day that encompasses a yoga class, massage, facials and sauna. Athletic women may thrill at the idea of a hike, mountain climb, bike excursion or a group martial arts training day. The aforementioned can be followed up with a dress-up (or down!) cocktail party and gift opening.
A considerate bride will work with her maid-of-honor so that the best of all worlds can come together without having to lean too heavily on her best friends resources. One solution for saving money is to combine the bridal shower with the bachelorette, if the bride is agreeable. It's less expensive to combine these events by planning an intensive or workshop such as a wine tasting, a chocolate tasting, or a cooking class.
Cooking classes, which are gaining in popularity these days, are pricey but less expensive so long as you have a minimum of 10 people. What's great about a cooking class is that all of you get to cook something fabulous and sit down and eat it together. This is a great example of how you take a classic bridal shower or bachelorette and turn into an experience.
Focus the shower event by going with a theme. If the bride would absolutely love to have her shower in the Bahamas, but no one can afford to go there, give her a theme shower that creates an island experience. Explore the details of a Bahamian adventure with the bride to find out what thrills her about that fantasy. When shopping for the shower, pick images, scented candles, decorations, posters, dishware and foods that achieve the look of a party night in the Bahamas. Research what traditional foods and drinks might be served at an island party and serve them at the shower as refreshments!
The same rule applies for the bride who would wishes she could have her bachelorette in Hawaii. If no one can afford a destination bachelorette, throw her a luau shower. Decorate according to scheme. Serve traditional foods and drinks. For the bride who loves gardens and gardening, visit a greenhouse specializing in growing orchids, for example. Or have the shower (when weather permits) in a garden or combine a visit to your local botanical garden and have cocktails and a gift opening afterwards.
The idea is to open your mind (and help the bride open hers) so that the core elements of her dreams can merge into a shower experience that is meaningful and reflective of her personal style.
Today's Showers Are About Activities and Style.
They are also about Making a Statement by doing good. Growing trends for bridal showers incorporate going green and going local.
GO GREEN:
When you go green, you elegantly decorate a shower, bachelorette or wedding with flowers that are in season. Check with your local florist and find out where the flowers are from and make sure they are pesticide free. You can do the same with foods including the cake, the meats, cheeses, and the coffee. Find out if the chocolate comes from local makers that purchase it from green, planet-friendly companies. If the majority of the foods and beverages are purchased from local producers, you reduce the amount of trucking and airline fuel used to get products to the marketplace. This is how you can reduce greenhouse gases.
A COMING TREND -- COTTON AND HEMP IN THE NEW BRIDAL CLOTHING!
Designers are getting turned on to the green trend too. The savvy use of cotton and hemp has taken an elegant turn. You'd be surprised! Bridal gowns, bridesmaids' gowns, and the honeymoon trousseau are now chic, natural and planet friendly. You can always green up your wedding by going traditional and borrow mom or grandmother's wedding dress.
If you don't like the generational approach to wedding gowns and opt to buy a new one, after the wedding donate it to charity. It can be auctioned off in support of breast cancer research or perhaps you could donate your gown to an inner city bride who has no hope of ever being able to afford such an expensive gown. Perhaps she will decide after her wedding to donate it to charity or to yet to another bride. In this way, the gift gets paid forward.
NO MATTER THE THEME, A BRIDAL SHOWER IS ABOUT THE CORE EXPERIENCE
No matter how much money you have to spend, the shower will be meaningful and elegant if you focus on key elements.
Don't get stuck in cookie cutter mode! Know what you want and who you are. It doesn't matter what books, magazines or Miss Manners says. It's about the bride's style, what she loves, her family and friends, lifelong traditions, hobbies, and personal history. Typically, she should focus on about 10 elements she wants from the gown all the way to the cake and favors then be very specific as to how she wants them woven into the overall experience. Dont forget to include the groom in wedding planning. Its his day, too. Since core desires dictate the budget, therell be less conflict about purchases once the key elements are chosen. Stick to the budget. Be true to the theme. Dont let others get you off track.
The more focused the wedding team gets from the beginning of the process, the more successful and unique your overall wedding experience will be. The key to a successful shower (and wedding) is that steady focus on meaning -- and joy! A happy bride is what makes a happy party -- and wedding day. People can feel a bride's radiance! Her happiness spills over to the party guests. It's all about creating synergy!
SHOWER STAGING TIPS
Mingle!
Drinks are important. Drinks help relax people. If you don't have a lot of money for a full bar, then serve a signature drink. This could be the bride and groom's favorite wine or a certain signature cocktail. If you go that route, don't also have a bar setup where guests must pay for other kinds of drinks. Rule: no guest should ever have to pay for anything.
Pace It!
Showers are about pacing. Give guests something to do. Have them sign a table cloth or runner as a memento that the bride and groom get to keep. Have guests put a spontaneously written note into a fishbowl so that the bride and groom can read them later. Show home movies (if both bride and groom agree in advance!) or create a DVD that's professional looking -- like a movie. Add the bride and grooms favorite music as a background and youve got your feature production. Another idea is to have a videographer on hand who can work with guests so that each one gets to do an "on camera" message to the bride and groom.
Music Makes Magic
Use music lavishly at the bridal shower and the wedding reception. Music is a very powerful and important force. Don't skip this vital ingredient. Showers and weddings are about deep emotions and music supports it all -- especially depth of feeling that goes beyond words.
The Honesty Factor -- Don't Ignore It!
As soon as the bride-to-be asks a woman to be her maid-of-honor, she should think very clearly about whether she can afford the obligation. If the potential candidate knows instantly that it is too heavy a burden for her, she needs to say so right away. There should be no resentments about this duty. No hidden anger. If a woman is not in a position to carry the load, she should say so immediately.
One of the chief duties of the maid-of-honor (and this shouldn't be glossed over) is to keep the bride as calm as possible. The maid-of-honor is the buffer, the go-between and the chief diplomat. Sometimes shes called in as the arbiter in disputes and to smooth over misunderstandings. The bride needs to be aware of the stress that her maid-of-honor might be under the closer everyone gets to the wedding day. Neither should she take unfair advantage by demanding too much emotional attention. The bride should also be careful that her shower and bachelorette desires dont create pressing financial burdens for her maid-of-honor. Incessant demands whether emotional or financial cause deep hurt and resentment.
Financial Stresses
What if it turns out that the bride is adamant about having a destination bridal shower or bachelorette in another state or in an exotic setting? What if her core people, including her maid-of-honor, can't afford this? Then the bride has to be prepared to step up to the plate and chip in. Either that or wealthier relatives should pick up the tab. Neither the maid-of-honor nor sister bachelorettes who have decided to chip in on certain expenses should be expected to go into debt. And remember this rule: when it comes to the brides shower, no guest ever pays for anything.
A wedding marks a huge life transition for the bride and groom. It's a rite of passage. There's a lot of happiness but there's stress too. The bride isn't just marrying the groom. She's marrying his whole family and vice versa. The bride and groom need to be clear with each other on their values, religion, and whether they want to have children before the wedding ceremony. They should also discuss their views on money -- what it's for, what it means, how to spend it and how to save it. Don't brush off the importance of these conversations.
To the Bride-to-Be
The world is your oyster when it comes to your shower and your wedding. All you need to do is open the oyster and find the unique pearl that is you on the inside. Follow your dream by making a list of the ten most important things you MUST have at your wedding, at your shower, and at your bachelorette. Tell everyone in your wedding planning party what these things are. Make sure that the soul of your experience -- and the groom's -- is creatively incorporated into all of your wedding plans. That way, no matter what your budget, your glorious day will be everything you want it to be!
Theresa DiMasi is the editor in chief of Brides.com, the destination website from Condé Nast Bridal Media that also serves as the online home for Brides, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride. Brides.com launched nationwide in April 2006.
Previously, Ms. DiMasi was managing editor at Condé Nast Epicurious.com, Concierge.com, Style.com, MenStyle.com and YM.com, where she won 8 webby awards in three years. Prior to that, she was deputy editor for Epicurious.com and Concierge.com.
Before that, Ms. DiMasi was the creative director for bigchalk, Inc. where she won two Codie Awards in 2001. Ms. DiMasi began her career in online media at R. Greenberg & Associates (R/GA), the award-winning interactive agency. While there, her clients included Intel, Discovery Channel, PBS, IBM, Ross School and the Van Gogh Museum.
Ms. DiMasi has her Masters in media studies from the New School University and a BBA from the University of Michigan. She is currently teaching the advanced seminar course "The Role of the Online Editor" in the Publishing program at New York University's School of Continuing and Professional Studies.
Ms. DiMasi lives in New York City with her husband, Clive, and their two children, Crosby and Giancarlo.
Check out Ms. DiMasi's June 2007 Washington Post "Wedding Week" article on celebrity weddings and read her answers to bloggers' wedding and shower questions.
Interested in more guest contributors stories? Check out our November 2007 featured guest!
