Question:
Hi, I am the maid of honor for my friend's wedding. One of her co-workers wants to throw the bride a shower and would like me to help. What should my involvement be in planning and finances? I will be throwing another shower for the bride for her family and friends so I can't really afford two showers! The bride and the groom work at the same place, so they have mutual co-workers and friends. Would it be rude to ask the friends and co-workers to pitch in, bring food, etc.? Thank you for your help :-)
Answer:
Dear Heather,
Take a big breath and relax. There's no way you'll be on the hook to finance two showers. It simply isn't done. Furthermore, it simply shouldn't even be expected. If you were mega-rich and wanted to spring for several parties, that would be one thing. But since you're not Queen of the Lotto, the etiquette is quite clear: as Maid of Honor, you're only required to throw -- and finance -- one shower.
Now that we've covered that basic shower rule, it almost goes without saying that the Maid of Honor and other bridesmaids are often asked to participate in a number of parties and showers that lead up to the big day. A girl can go bananas trying to keep up with the whirlwind while remaining mindful of the subtleties of behavior that weddings call into play! A couple of key points need to be made.
First, you and the bridesmaids don't have to buy a gift for each and every shower you're invited to attend. You, as Maid of Honor, are already gifting the Bride-to-Be by providing her with her "key" shower -- the one for friends and family. Since you're likely going to carry most of the financial weight for that shower (unless you and the bridesmaids are divvying up expenses), you've pretty much done your bit.
Second, you and the bridesmaids are also gifting the bride by purchasing gowns, shoes, and the necessary accessories for the wedding day. Need I say that your fashion bills (including hair, nails and perhaps a Bachelorette night?) are already possibly breaking the bank? I bet the Bride-to-Be and others close to her realize this. No member of the bride's entourage is expected to go into debt or otherwise experience hardship when it comes to participating in a wedding.
Here's how you handle the bride's co-worker shower.
- Since the co-worker wants to throw the shower, the main responsibility, including the organizing of who pays for what falls on her shoulders.
- Ask her to spell out what it is she'd like your help on.
- If the co-worker brings up finances, let her know that you're available to help with the shower in an advisory capacity, but since you're throwing the one for the bride's friends and family, you're tapped out. The co-worker is most likely going to "get it" and not be offended in the slightest. It's unlikely she's going to ask you to pitch in anyway. The money needed for the bride and groom's office shower will be raised by their colleagues.
- After you know what the co-worker wants you to help with, get your side of it taken care of as quickly as possible.
Don't worry about taking the reins for the co-worker's shower. 99% of it is really up to her. After your advice is given and help rendered, let go. You're got your own event to plan! Relax when you can and enjoy every single moment!
Happy Showering,
Susan "The Shower Diva"
Where Fun Reigns!™
